The Assertive Frog: a story.

Once upon a time there was a frog. The frog wanted a job so he went to the Job Centre.

"Tell me about your skills and experience," said the Job Centre Adviser.

The frog thought for a while.

"Well," he said at last, "I'm very green."

"Let's unpack that a bit more," said the Job Centre Adviser. "Do you have skills in environmental management, perhaps? Maybe you've worked with waste? Perhaps you could work as a gardener or in a garden centre context?"

"No," said the frog, puzzled, "I've got green skin."

"I think you need to do some thinking about your skills and experience and come back to me," advised the Job Centre Adviser.

The frog left the Job Centre, feeling a little discouraged and blue (which made him turquoise).

He decided to cheer himself up by buying something to eat. He bought a cup of tea in a Styrofoam cup and a packet of chips and took them to the park to eat. He settled himself on a bench and admired the trees waving in the breeze, the neatly-cut edges of the flowerbeds, and the tidily trimmed grass as he munched on his chips. He felt much better. He finished his chips and put the cup and paper in the bin next to the park bench. Very convenient.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a group of youths dropping litter. The frog felt very angry. How dare these louts ruin this beautiful park with their thoughtless ways! Without thinking, he got up, ran towards them, and, in the common parlance of our time, had a go!

"Oi! You! Pick up your bloody litter! This is a park, not a rubbish dump!" he bellowed.

Now the frog had forgotten a crucial point: his intense greenness, which happened to camouflage perfectly with the grass in the park. This meant that his bellowing appeared to come out of nowhere. Terrified, the youths picked up their litter and ran away.

The frog felt rather pleased. He strolled happily round the park for a while longer, then made his way out of the park towards home. As he left the park, he glanced at a notice-board and saw a job advertisement. "Wanted. Park Wardens."

The frog felt very excited. Surely, he thought, after today's success, this was the perfect job. He took a notebook from his pocket and carefully copied down the address, phone number, and URL.

A few days later, the form arrived. The frog filled it in very carefully and neatly, using bright green ink for luck, and sent it back.

Lo and behold, he was successful in his application! Impressed by the greenness of his person and his writing, the Council gave him a permanent job working in the park where he learned lots of useful skills which he felt sure would take his career forward in a positive direction.

So the frog lived happily ever after.

(I make up stories when I can't sleep. Poor James has to listen to them.)